your thong is hanging out like whoa
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
