So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
