i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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