Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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