WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
