my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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