you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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