They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
