I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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