Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
