I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
