I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
well, you know. whores of a feather.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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