I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
