Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
