i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
