like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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