and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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