so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize