I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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