saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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