Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
