so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
