Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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