what day is it and did you see me today?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
