I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
