I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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