i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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