and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
