I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
