Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
