Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
