4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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