i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
