my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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