I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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