Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
honey bunches of taint.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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