i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
