Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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