For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
