The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
