I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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