I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
