i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
