So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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