arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
