Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
