Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
