THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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