All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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