Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize