Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
