I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
