The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize