I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
