i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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