I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
