Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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