Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
