i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
