Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
