I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
