And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
