we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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