end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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