We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
