i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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