What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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