There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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