man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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