I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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